How Should We Talk to Our Children about Sexuality? — Sexuality from Infancy to Youth

The book opens with the author's admission that throughout her medical career the questions she was asked most were about sexuality. Collecting anonymous written questions at her seminars with teenagers, Semerci found ten years later that the questions had not changed: young people still did not know what they should have learned as children, and found it easier to reach material that «sells sex» than accurate information. A boy's note — describing himself as «a sinner with no right to live» because of the frightening warnings he had heard from his father — shows movingly why the book was written.

The main idea of the first part is that sexuality is not only anatomy or sex. Drawing on the World Health Organization's definition, the author includes the body, identity, relationships, love, responsibility and society's view of womanhood and manhood. Parents often think they never talk to their children about this, yet calling a couple kissing on television «disgusting» or telling a daughter «your skirt is too short» is also a message. Semerci therefore advises parents first to examine their own values and prejudices.

The section «Becoming parents who can talk» is the most useful part of the book, because it illustrates the rules with short clinical stories. A mother who screams and separates two small children «playing doctor» teaches both that their bodies are «shameful»; the author suggests a calm alternative: stopping the game and saying «I think you're curious about your bodies — shall we talk about it?» In another story a young man who as a child never had a question answered, and was not even allowed to close his bedroom door, suffers severe anxiety on the eve of his marriage. The author's key message: you don't need to know all the answers; what matters is being parents children can ask.

The list of rules is concrete and practical: keep answers simple and say no more than the child is asking; make sure you have understood the question; don't judge the question or interrogate the child about where they heard it; from age three, use the correct names for body parts; teach privacy — knock on a closed door and show the child's door the same respect; turn moments such as a pregnancy, a sibling's birth or a pet having young into opportunities to talk. The section on types of touch is especially valuable: children must learn to say «no» to touch that makes them uncomfortable, but over-emphasising the risks can make them afraid even of their parents' loving touch.

The book's humour and realism also stay with you: Mehmet, busy putting his socks on the wrong feet while his parents begin the «serious talk» they have rehearsed for months; five-year-old Selin, more confused than ever after being told «because you're a girl». These examples take the rules out of dry advice and tie them to everyday life. The weakness is that some ideas («stay calm», «listen») are repeated several times and the text occasionally slips into brochure language.

In the end, this part sets the tone of the whole book: neither frightening children nor leaving everything unsaid, but an age-appropriate, honest and ongoing conversation. For societies where the subject is still taboo, such an open yet responsible and evidence-based guide is rare. Readers should bear in mind, however, that the legal section is based on Turkish law and some information dates from the late 2000s.

• A structure organised by age periods (2–6, 7–11, 12–21)
• Short, anonymised stories from clinical practice
• A summary and «frequently asked questions» at the end of each period
• Explanatory drawings parents can use when talking to children