How to Have Confidence and Power in Dealing with People

Giblin's foreword is one of the most candid openings in the genre: «Let's be honest about it — we want things from other people.» The businessman wants orders, spouses want love, parents want obedience, children want security, the salesperson wants a signature. The author sees no need to hide this or dress it up in «Pollyanna» theories; instead he argues that getting what you want is nothing to apologise for, and that a happy person is more likely to spread happiness.

At the heart of the foreword are three ways of dealing with people: taking by force, threat or cunning; begging — the bargain of «I won't bother you, so you'll be nice to me»; and fair exchange — giving others what they want and receiving what you want in return. The book is devoted only to the third. Compared with manipulative books such as Robert Greene's «The Art of Seduction», this is an ethically far healthier framework.

Chapter 1's core claim is that the one common denominator of all success and happiness is other people. Giblin supports it with figures such as the Carnegie Institute of Technology finding that «85% of success depends on personality factors» and claims attributed to Harvard and Dr Albert Wiggam that «90% of people who lose their jobs do so because of human relations». These statistics have circulated in self-help literature for decades, but their sources cannot be verified; today's reader should treat them with caution.

The chapter's more valuable insight is the difference between «getting along» and a successful relationship. Timid «doormat» types get along by letting others walk over them; bullies do so by suppressing everyone. For Giblin, the real skill is a relationship in which both parties' egos stay intact. A quotation from Bonaro Overstreet — the one loss a person cannot tolerate is the loss of goodwill between themselves and others — is the most affecting moment in the chapter.

The author explains his ideas through everyday, humorous comparisons: a mechanic hesitating over an unfamiliar engine versus a master who knows it; a pianist who cannot learn every piece from scratch but masters the rules of 88 keys; Davy Crockett's rifle versus «Mrs Giblin's steak», which depends on her relationship with the corner butcher. The style makes the book very easy to read.

The weaknesses are plain too: lines such as «before women gained their freedom in society, relationships at home were simple» bear the marks of their era, the statistics are dated, and the ideas now sound like the genre's familiar staples. The Turkish translation is fluent. For a reader lacking confidence with people, the book can still be a useful starting point.

• Each chapter is split into short sections and ends with a summary
• Everyday, humorous comparisons (mechanic, pianist, cowboy) simplify abstract ideas
• The author speaks to the reader directly in a warm, conversational «let's» tone
• Statistical claims are unsourced and dated