Let Life Come As It Is — Flaws in Loving

The chapter opens with a long summary of Shakespeare's «Othello»: Othello, the Moorish general of Venice; Desdemona, who loves him and elopes with him against her father's will; and his ensign Iago, who bears a grudge because Cassio was chosen as lieutenant. Enlisting the naive Roderigo, Iago feeds Othello the rumour of an affair between Desdemona and Cassio. At first disbelieving, Othello gradually becomes a prisoner of suspicion, smothers his wife, and when the truth comes out takes his own life. The author retells the story in lively, conversational language.

The chapter's main claim follows from this: this is not a romantic love story. Readers tend to see Othello as an ill-fated lover who was jealous «because he loved so much», but according to the author there is not the slightest trace of love in this tragedy — only obsession and anxiety disorder. Othello is no hero but a sick man and a criminal who killed his wife. Love involves no destruction, only keeping alive; love is not something to be owned, given or taken. This is an important and brave message, especially for societies where jealousy is still regarded as «a sign of love».

The book then takes a more controversial step: one cannot say «a little jealousy is normal, too much is an illness», because «there is no such thing as a little or a lot of jealousy» — both are an anxiety disorder in different doses, to be treated with professional help, especially cognitive therapy. The line is memorable but far too sweeping: equating everyday, passing jealousy with a clinical disorder may push readers into needlessly seeing themselves as «ill». The book neither explains this distinction nor cites any source.

The section «Othello Syndrome: Delusional Jealousy» is more informative. It describes treating the loved one as property, convincing oneself of baseless scenarios, and seeing even a «I'm running five minutes late» message as proof of betrayal. The author sees deep fear of loss, low self-esteem and narcissistic traits behind this, and shows how simple Iago's manipulation actually was: it is enough to plant suspicion in the mind once, since an insecure personality is already primed to be manipulated.

The chapter continues with a list of nine signs: constant questioning and monitoring, going through the partner's phone and belongings, restricting contact with others, being unable to control reactions, violence, insults, threats and seeking allies to confirm one's own rightness. It then lists factors that worsen the syndrome: hormonal disorders, alcohol and drugs, Parkinson's disease, schizophrenia, brain tumours, bipolar disorder, multiple sclerosis and stress. The author notes that in some cases medication may be needed alongside cognitive therapy — the book's most responsible piece of advice.

In the end, this chapter shows the book's strengths and weaknesses side by side. Its strength: it names jealousy and control without romanticising them, lists the warning signs of abuse clearly and points readers towards professional help. Its weakness: the text is packed with Shakespeare quotations and slogans, no research is cited, and clinical terms are sometimes used loosely. It is a quick read written in the language of social media, but with limited depth.

• Short chapters, aphorisms and highlighted quotations
• Use of literary examples such as Shakespeare and The Little Prince
• Illustrative stories titled «A Story of a Flawed Way of Loving»
• Warning signs and advice set out as bullet lists